Hey y'all. So I have been reflecting a lot on my life lately, and I think I'd like to share some personal thoughts on long distance within my marriage. I know that saying things like, "long distance relationships can be a blessing," may seem extremely nuts.... but I promise I'm not going crazy.
Okay, so I'll cut to the chase. Here's a couple reasons why I am grateful for our LDR.
Dillon and I were in a rut when I decided to move to California to help my family. I wont go into great detail, but every marriage has highs and lows, and we were feeling pretty low. His work schedule was insane and only getting worse, we had a newborn, and the stresses every couple has on a normal basis. We were hardly talking, and when we were... it ended up in bickering half the time. It was hard on us. We were both fighting really hard for our relationship to have an amazing line of communication, but we were going about it all wrong.
When things got hard for my family, it was a no brainer that I needed to move home. Even with a 6 month old baby. Dillon's schedule was so busy that it was actually okay with him to let us go. I'm telling you, he was never home anyways. I was very afraid that by me moving home, he might let the distance further himself away from me even more, and let work take the last 5% of him he had designated for me.
I was so wrong.
After we got use to not living together (about a month after the move) we got into a groove. He actually made SO much time to talk to me. I couldn't believe the effort that was flowing out of my once distant husband. He realized how little of himself he was setting aside for our marriage and transformed into this amazing guy who was excited to share how his day was, his thoughts, and time with me. He even told me a bit later that he had the prayer group at his church pray for us and was asking for council from his pastor.
The distance was actually the answer to my prayers. I asked God to strengthen my marriage. I thought I was going against my own wishes (and honestly feared the "D" word was in our future..) But I know now that God had this in His plans. He gave us the space we needed and built us up separately so that we could be stronger together.
Not everyone will have this same situation, of course.. but I am just so blessed to have a husband who was willing to see how he could better himself and his marriage.
I know it might seem like I just threw my husband under the bus, but I promise that's not the case. And to prove it, I will now out my own downfall. Patience.
I have none. I will have an anxiety attack in an instant over the littlest things if I cannot control them.
Being a military wife is especially hard for women like me. I have literally no control over a majority of my life. It is hard being married to someone who has to "ask permission" from his command for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I don't like that aspect of my life. I also hate that my husband can be at work from 4 am until midnight and on top of that, he can't answer his cell phone because someone in his office had a melt down and restricted them from everything.
Do you know how frustrating that is?
I would be so mad at him for things completely out of his control. He signed his name on a contract that basically says they can work him however they please....and he just signed another of those.
The distance has given me the freedom I was missing while there. I needed it. But it has also given me patience. I am learning that I miss him so much, and I don't want to waste the hour I get to speak to him after work. I don't want to spend that short time fighting. So now I let things go a lot easier and I just breathe.
I can't say that my anxiety isn't still there, it is. I just don't let it ruin our time together.
Dillon and I met online. We had a great friendship over the internet and telephone. Once we got married we never really spent time apart after that. He never had to "miss" me, and vice verse.
Being in the same shoes that I was in before, only with such a great bond, a baby, and history.. It brought back some of those memories. The longing to be with eachother, just to hold his hand and see his smile (not on a phone screen.) I see now, all the happy times. The weekends that we would go thrifting and he would take me to do everything that I wanted to do to make up from only seeing eachother about 4 hours total Monday through Friday.
I am homesick. Not for my big house, or living in D.C. .... I'm homesick because my husband's warm embrace is my home. I can see that now.
