I can't even believe we are finally SO close to meeting our little man.
We have about 4 weeks left, (3 if I elect a C-section!) THREE WEEKS!
He is around 19-22 inches long and 5.5 lbs.
I definitely think he is on the long side, because he is making me super uncomfortable!
I think this upcoming weekend I am going to go out and pick up the last of the things that I need for my hospital bag.. and I should pick out a little cute outfit for him to come home in.
I am hoping it wont be too hot the day we bring him home. You just never know here in the DMV, it can be 90 degrees but raining out of no where! :-)
I am getting really nervous for my next appointment. For some reason my doctors like to pretend that the only thing that matters is that your baby is head down. But for some women, their positioning is JUST as important. I am not sure if there is something about my body (like the shape of my pelvis, or that my pelvis is misaligned) but my daughter was posterior (meaning that she was facing my belly button rather than my spine; also referred to as "sunnyside up".) This is a problem because the diameter of her head was too large to fit through my pelvic bones, and she got stuck pretty bad.
Because of the baby being in that position I had extreme back pain, long drawn out labor (weeks of prodromal labor [false labor], and days of actual labor). I was told by my doctors weeks ahead of time that she was sunnyside up. I was told the chances of it leading to a c-section but told that it probably wouldn't happen. But that was by ONE of my many doctors. She was really upfront about it all and honest. It gave me a lot of time to try to turn her with recommended exercises. (Check out Spinning Babies for more information.)
But for some reason, a lot of the doctors at my clinic like to pretend that I am naive and don't know anything about the situation. They say that the baby will turn and that I have nothing to worry about. They said that everything I've read about and all the research is false. They said that the exercises on spinning babies is not going to do anything, (yet with my last pregnancy I was encouraged to do them....?) I hate that I don't have one set provider. I hate seeing strangers that don't know me. I hate that they all contradict eachother. Something inside of me tells me that if I listen to them and I attempt my VBAC everything is going to end up the same exact way it did last time.
I don't think I am doubting myself; I think I am just coming to terms with the fact that a c-section is the smartest way to go if I know he is posterior. I just vaguely remember the surgeons saying that my pelvis was shaped a certain way while they were tugging away trying to get Opal's head out of my body. I have more peace in my heart knowing what will happen if I do elect a repeat c-section than if I let the doctors fill my head with my dream birth and then it be robbed from me again.
I honestly cannot let what happened last time happen again. I was there for 6 days with an infection. I was told I lost too much blood and was going to need blood transfusions.. I was swollen from head to toe because the nurses neglected to take my IV out causing my body to be over packed with fluid.. I didn't even get to use the restroom or walk until day 5. It was torture. I was neglected and not taken care of, honestly. I just want to go in, have my baby, and leave like a normal person. I don't want to be away from Opal for a week. I don't want to be in worse shape than the average woman who goes in and has a c-section, all because I was pressured into a VBAC knowing that my babies don't like to turn.
So, all in all, I am skipping my checkup for the 2 wk mark and just chose to go to the last appointment (38 weeks). I'll be scheduling my c-section and going to have Oliver the next week. I have been stewing over this decision for weeks now, and I am starting to feel happy and confident about it. I feel in my heart that this is what is best for my baby, and best for my body. I don't want to put myself through the painful labor that a posterior positioned baby causes. I want to be at peace with this birth, since I am still traumatized from the last.
I don't think I will be choosing an "easy way out" that most people perceive about c-sections. I honestly think I am choosing the harder route. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for a potentially horrible looking scar (I am really happy with the one I have now, and don't want it to be worse), the fact that I will have weight lifting restrictions, not be able to hold my oldest for months, etc. I really will have a rough road ahead of me, especially with a move across country happening just 3 weeks later. I hope that it all works out.
I am just so thankful that I have my husband and my daughter by my side. It is the most reassuring feeling. I hope that my sister and my in laws will be here for the birth or soon afterwards. It will help so much to have people here to show Opal that she is not forgotten or unloved. That is the last thing I want for my precious girl.
All in all, I know it will all work out. I know that it is the most stressful situation right now just because we still don't know whats going on with the Marine Corps or child care for Opal.. But I know in my heart that the Man above is watching over us and going to make sure we are taken care of and that all is well. I have faith. <3
xoxo, Chelsea.
