Home, sweet, homeward bound.

This past week my family of 4 made another huge move. We drove our Jeep all 2,800 miles from Alexandria, VA to the Central Valley in California. 

the jeep all packed up!

 We have been under so much stress lately, (this whole past year- really.)  We have officially separated from the Marine Corps and are considered a "civilian" family now! I could tell you guys that we have been excited and looking forward to the transition, but that would be lying. We really had our hearts set on continuing our life with the Corps. Dillon put in his package for reenlistment last year at his 1 year mark of remaining contract time. He is a GREAT Marine, and had no concern of it's approval. His peers, leaders, and entire chain of command kept assuring us that we had nothing to worry about and that by December 2014 we would most likely be accepting orders to Miramar, California where he had connections and someone who specifically wanted him there to work for him. But as the months came and went we heard nothing.

Dillon was in his Career Planners office every day asking where his package was. We started to worry and then in December we were told that it was denied due to drawbacks and budget cuts. That although he was a "tier 1" Marine, he was out. This was not only devastating, but the hugest heart break we have ever experienced. About a week before finding out this news, he had received an email from a Prior Service Recruiter about a program called "Active Reserves". We had never heard of it and brushed it off, because we thought his Active Duty contract was in the future.

So once we found out about our denied reenlistment, we started researching the other program. Dillon had his application filled out a month before he could submit it, all he needed was an endorsement from his chain of command.

Oliver got to lay out on Dad's seat.

We thought this would take 2 weeks top to go through the whole list of people. Boy- were we wrong. It took 3 months. By the time they got it to the recruiter, it had been lost and found, ignored, and more. Finally, it was there... All to be sent back because some signatures EXPIRED. They were dated too far back. So then it went through the process again and we missed a cut off date for the program's funding and would need to wait 30 days for it to open again.

Jump 30 days, and although it was "open" they weren't going to approve anything for ANOTHER 30 days. 

At this point in time, we had 2 weeks until our scheduled C-section, 1 month until our move and 1.5 months until Dillon's contract ended. 

So we waited some more and week after week- we heard nothing. We were told once we spoke to the Monitor (basically the person who decides your fate) we would be told if it had been approved or not and where you would be stationed. 

So when that phone call came- we were so excited. It was one week before our move. We were driving from base to base fixing our problems with the TMO movers. His coworker called and gave us a heads up that the monitor was about to call us. We waited in a parking lot for 12 lonnnnng minutes before the phone rang. Dillon hopped out of the jeep and had a phone interview with the guy, and then that was it.

She was a good girl and watched movies the whole way.

He hung up, got back in the jeep and said he still didn't know what was going on. He didn't tell him if the package was approved or not... Instead, he said he was endorsing it, and passing it along to his boss. Nobody knew it had a whole separate process AFTER the monitor. He also said that New Jersey was basically our only option for a duty station.

NEW JERSEY? Uhhhh, no thank you. During this whole process we mutually agreed on the fact that anywhere in the U.S. was fine EXCEPT the NE corner. We were tired of DC, and wanted to get out of this corner of the U.S. I personally wanted the West Coast, and our dream was Oregon. So, to hear New Jersey was actually quite devastating. 

Play time was every two hours since we had to nurse so often.

We played on the grass while dad fixed our bag... it ripped in New Mexico.

We drove up to the base (about 3 hours from the DMV) and even toured the base housing and base. It was fine. That is all I can say really. It wasn't anything we could actually SEE ourselves enjoying. We don't want to be anywhere that we would be living the same day over and over. Being so far from family is lonely and miserable. Not being included in holiday photos, events and memories is the worst. We honestly just wanted to be stationed somewhere within reasonable travel distance so that we could afford to see our families.

Nursing stop.

So we decided that if it is New Jersey we are going to walk away. We were told by the Monitor and Dillon's PerSO (officer) to move to California and wait... So Dillon decided not to waste time, and started applying for jobs. Before the movers even came to pack up our apartment, he had 2 job interviews lined up. By the time we got to California he had a 3rd. And when we got here he had his 4th. By our 5th day here he had to decide between two offers. And this week he begins his formal training for the position we decided fit us well.

To this day, we still do not know what is going on with the Active Reserve program. We've been told it has been approved but is pending a duty station, but who knows. We still have 30 more days in the wait time frame.. So, until then, now our family and friend know just as much as we do. <3

We were so afraid to walk away from the military, but honestly... It feels likes we've never been happier. My husband looks so relaxed and at peace. He grew a beard in 2 weeks, has long hair that he only gets cut when he wants, and smiles more.

I never thought the day would come when we could wake up and feel relaxed. We go to my sister and brother in law's house to swim, and then grab food. We cook dinner for my grandpa and hang out with my little sister. We may be sharing one bedroom to ourselves right now, but it all feels... Right? It feels like we're where we are meant to be in life right now. I'm so happy. 

I have such an amazing, dedicated and hard working husband. I'm so proud of him, and I can't wait to see where we are by 2016.

We thought this was SO funny.

 If you watch Duck Dynasty, you should get this. Clue: it is the episode that they're protesting Willy at work.

Our little Model.

 Dillon took pictures of Opal while I was nursing Oliver. 

This is somewhere in New Mexico, I believe.

 All in all the trip was fast and easy. We left on the 1st and arrived on the night of the 3rd.

We stopped to nurse and stretch every two hours. 

Both kids were SO good. I am so glad we got there quickly, safe and sound.

Chhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeesssseeeeeeee!

My pregnancy at 29 weeks.

As I type this I am sitting at the foot of my bed eating half a bagel topped with mixed berry cream cheese... Oh, and it's about to be 3 am. Sigh, I really can't sleep and my hips are hurting so darn bad!! I got this uncontrollable urge to eat a bagel while I was using the restroom for the 5th time tonight... This is pregnancy at its realist. I don't even feel bad.

I was actually once a sleeper. I slept peacefully every night... But then I had my daughter. And I haven't had a regular night's rest since.. What was I thinking when I decided I was ready for #2?! I know, I know... That they're so amazing I had to have another! Some day I will sleep and this will all have been worth it. It is worth it. Even with Opal waking up an hour after I lay her in her crib like clockwork. And then, when she cries in her sleep because of teething and growing pains and bangs her little noggin into my mouth or forehead... All while my hubby is sound asleep snoring 2 ft away from me. #mommyneedsavacation #imsotired #buticantsleepbecauseimpregnant

I hope you guys can read between my rant that is drowning in dry sarcasm and see that I'm just kidding. Well, not about the hashtags! Those are serious business. :-) 

I finally got all of my insurance sorted out and saw my OB not too long ago and was told I can attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I am so excited that I look up successful VBAC stories daily and read them like they're game plans or something. I just feel so empowered through the experiences of other c-section mamas finally getting to do things the natural way. Its inspiring!

Next week I see my OB again for my 30 week check up, and will ask her some questions about it all.
I'm confident I will be alright as long as he isn't sunny side up like Opal was. I just don't think I could do it all again just to end up in a c-section. Which would suck and is pretty much not what I want at all. I hated the healing process, how long it took for me to be able to do just about anything alone, the trapped gas in my chest that made me feel like I was dying -literally. It was all torturous. I'd give anything to be able to go to the hospital, push a couple times, and have my baby born.. Then leave the next day. My week long stay last time was also a nightmare. Oh gosh, okay I'll stop rambling about that.

Anyway, my pregnancy is going by fast. Too fast if you ask me, ONLY because we're not ready for our PCS move... Or possible EAS move. We still have yet to hear back from the AR program that my husband applied for. Waiting game has been so dreadful for us the past 10 months. Sometimes the military life is really hard and really sucks. But, it is what it is, right?

Well, here's to being tired and stressed! xoxo, Chelsea.

-Here are some belly shots from my phone, don't wanna forget these gems down the road.-

Why I love having a long distance relationship with my husband.

Hey y'all. So I have been reflecting a lot on my life lately, and I think I'd like to share some personal thoughts on long distance within my marriage. I know that saying things like, "long distance relationships can be a blessing," may seem extremely nuts.... but I promise I'm not going crazy.

Okay, so I'll cut to the chase. Here's a couple reasons why I am grateful for our LDR.

• Communication

Dillon and I were in a rut when I decided to move to California to help my family. I wont go into great detail, but every marriage has highs and lows, and we were feeling pretty low. His work schedule was insane and only getting worse, we had a newborn, and the stresses every couple has on a normal basis. We were hardly talking, and when we were... it ended up in bickering half the time. It was hard on us. We were both fighting really hard for our relationship to have an amazing line of communication, but we were going about it all wrong.

When things got hard for my family, it was a no brainer that I needed to move home. Even with a 6 month old baby. Dillon's schedule was so busy that it was actually okay with him to let us go. I'm telling you, he was never home anyways. I was very afraid that by me moving home, he might let the distance further himself away from me even more, and let work take the last 5% of him he had designated for me.

I was so wrong.

After we got use to not living together (about a month after the move) we got into a groove. He actually made SO much time to talk to me. I couldn't believe the effort that was flowing out of my once distant husband. He realized how little of himself he was setting aside for our marriage and transformed into this amazing guy who was excited to share how his day was, his thoughts, and time with me. He even told me a bit later that he had the prayer group at his church pray for us and was asking for council from his pastor.

The distance was actually the answer to my prayers. I asked God to strengthen my marriage. I thought I was going against my own wishes (and honestly feared the "D" word was in our future..) But I know now that God had this in His plans. He gave us the space we needed and built us up separately so that we could be stronger together.

Not everyone will have this same situation, of course.. but I am just so blessed to have a husband who was willing to see how he could better himself and his marriage.

• Patience.

I know it might seem like I just threw my husband under the bus, but I promise that's not the case. And to prove it, I will now out my own downfall. Patience. I have none. I will have an anxiety attack in an instant over the littlest things if I cannot control them.

Being a military wife is especially hard for women like me. I have literally no control over a majority of my life. It is hard being married to someone who has to "ask permission" from his command for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.  I don't like that aspect of my life. I also hate that my husband can be at work from 4 am until midnight and on top of that, he can't answer his cell phone because someone in his office had a melt down and restricted them from everything.

Do you know how frustrating that is?

I would be so mad at him for things completely out of his control. He signed his name on a contract that basically says they can work him however they please....and he just signed another of those.

The distance has given me the freedom I was missing while there. I needed it. But it has also given me patience. I am learning that I miss him so much, and I don't want to waste the hour I get to speak to him after work. I don't want to spend that short time fighting. So now I let things go a lot easier and I just breathe.

I can't say that my anxiety isn't still there, it is. I just don't let it ruin our time together.

• Perspective.

Dillon and I met online. We had a great friendship over the internet and telephone. Once we got married we never really spent time apart after that. He never had to "miss" me, and vice verse.

Being in the same shoes that I was in before, only with such a great bond, a baby, and history.. It brought back some of those memories. The longing to be with eachother, just to hold his hand and see his smile (not on a phone screen.) I see now, all the happy times. The weekends that we would go thrifting and he would take me to do everything that I wanted to do to make up from only seeing eachother about 4 hours total Monday through Friday.

I am homesick. Not for my big house, or living in D.C. .... I'm homesick because my husband's warm embrace is my home. I can see that now.

Life as mommy, and temporary daddy.

Today I was chatting with Dillon about my next blog post and he had suggested sharing my experience doing 100% of the parenting for the past couple of months that we've been living across the country from each other.

At first, I really didn't even want to talk about it. I don't know if I should refer to myself as a "single" parent, because I'm not single. I have a wonderful husband who is so supportive, emotionally and financially. I don't carry the same burdens or challenges that single mothers and fathers (who have no support from the other parent) have. I would never want to compare the two. 

I also didn't want to talk about it because I wouldn't want to offend my husband in any way. He is seriously such a great daddy and husband, and I don't want him to feel bad or to think that I don't need him. That's absolutely not true. I need him badly! Parenting is much more enjoyable with the support of another person.

But- I have been thinking about it all day...

I just want to say, as someone who grew up in a home that once had physical violence, then a father in prison, and raised by a struggling single mom... I know how hard it can be. I have always admired my mom for how amazing she is, how determined, and strong.. She never relied on anyone else to provide for my sisters and I, aside from the occasional help from my grandparents. I thank God every day that I was raised by such a beautiful and independent woman.

And here I am, currently living with her again, with a baby of my own. She is such a great grandma! She helps me so much, but not in the diaper changing way. She actually has probably only changed 3 diapers in the past few months. (Lucky her!) Her help actually comes in motivation, positive words, great advice, and the occasional "Chelsea, you need to calm down."..

I also have been getting help from my sisters, Marissa and Reyna. They've been the ones to watch Opal while I shower, do my makeup or eat. They are still trying to adjust to having a baby in the household, so its not always easy to ask them, honestly. 

Being Opal's only parent physically right now is tiring. I wish I could just hand her to my husband and take a long hot bath, paint my toes, and draw. Those days are nowhere near the present... So I will have to continue to look forward to them as I go crazy at 3 am when I just want her to sleep. 

I don't know if it is just because she has 5 teeth cutting through right now that it seems harder, but damn... I am exhausted. 

She's been SO fussy, constantly wants to be held... BY ME ONLY.. She will fight a nap all day, and wait until 2 am to fall asleep. And when she finally sleeps, it is in my bed. If I try to move her to the crib she will wake up.. and then it is a nightmare to put her to bed again.. which will eventually be in my bed. Did I mention I am sleeping in a twin size bed right now? Then, when I finally fall asleep around 3, I'll be woken up at 4:30 am for another nursing session. And then awoken again by 8 am the latest... At which point I have to get us up and ready for the day.

I just can't imagine my entire life doing this alone. I hope Dillon and I will be under the same roof as soon as possible! 

I want to tell every parent doing it alone, that I have so much respect for you and everything you do for your children. It is hard work being a stay at home mom, I can't imagine being the breadwinner and sole parent alone. Breaks are few and far between as it is, I seriously don't know how I would do it all.