Mom-ents.

I just got home from a typical "day alone with the kids" errand run and wanted to write about my day. First off, I've noticed I keep getting comments from the husband and family that I do things the "mom way" or that I look like a mom. 

For example:

"Yeah, this car is a mom car." -Dillon

"No you look fine. You can pull that off because you look like a mom... Not in a bad way." -baby sister

"That's how you know Chelsea is a mom- she has everything." -younger sister [referring to me overpacking on our trip to the snow]

I'm not offended by these comments, but I do question if I am letting my being a mom take over my identity... And if I am, how do I feel about that- really. This topic is probably something I'd love to hear feedback on from fellow moms out there while I really sit down and write out my answer for a later post. But in short- I really want the other parts of my identity (artist, maker, entrepreneur, etc) to be things people think of when they see/ speak to/ meet me to be just as noticeable. And if they're not, how do I change that? 

On another note, I had a tough day *as a mom. I won't say that I felt like a failure, but I am afraid that other people who saw me thought I was. 

Today, Dillon started his second job and was gone working at both of them. I set out a to-do list of normal things like laundry, baths, tidying up. I also planned a quick trip to joanns and Costco.

On my way to run those errands Opal asked to go to the park, so I figured it would tire her out and she might sit in the cart and be pretty chill while we were out. Well, my 15 minute stop at the park turned into an hour... 

When we first arrived I let Opal go play. There were a bunch of parents that were there but they all were the hover-type. You know, they stand 2 feet away from their kids the whooooole time and don't let them do anything without help... Well I am not that parent. Opal can do a lot without me, and when she can't she lets me know. 

Well, because I don't hover they looked at me like I was nuts.. Then my husband happened to call on his break between job shifts and so of course I took it! So because I spent 10 whole minutes not hovering AND I was on the phone all of these people were giving me looks like I was a not-so-great mom. It sucked, but I can't really apologize at this point. I missed my man and my kid was fine. 

Then my 15 minute stop at joanns turned into a whole hour while Opal ran the opposite direction and made a mess on every aisle. Again with the looks. 

The real icing on the cake was when she decided to lay down in front of the cut-counter and would. not. get. up. At this point I was nearly in tears and I left as soon as they finally cut my fabric. 

I tried though, I'm not sure what else to say about it other than I freakin tried. I just needed to get some stuff done but my two year old was being a two year old today.

So to all my sisters out there that are having rough days because your kids are just being kids.... It's alright. You are not alone and my day was tough for the same reason. Let's all try to remember that we have only a certain amount of control when it comes to this stuff and not to judge each other. 

Side note- shout out to the fellow mama who helped me pick up and move all of my pizza/ salad earlier this week at Pieology after Opal spilled my drink everywhere... She was seriously sweet and didn't need to help- but she did and I was so grateful for that.

17 months of Opal.

I can't believe my growing girl is nearly a year and a half old! We are so proud of the sweet girl she is growing into. She is so smart, kind, and loving. She amazes me every day with things she says and does! It surprises me when I ask her to please do something and she does it. I point at things and she understand what they are.

The funniest thing she did over the weekend was run around this park near our apartment that is really close to an airport.. so there are planes taking off literally every 5 minutes. So shes running around with her head looking up at the sky, her little arm out pointing her finger at the planes, and screaming "bird!" at the top of her lungs, extremely excited. No matter how many times we tell her that they are called "planes" she shakes her head and says, "bird!" It is so funny and one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

Another thing that has really blown me away lately is how amazing reliving seeing things for the first time is. I forget how magical and beautiful the world is sometimes, but then when I'm down on the ground with her and realizing she is seeing something for the first time ever it amazes me! She is literally seeing things for the first time. Up until that moment, that thing never existed to her. Isn't that the strangest thought? It really is.

Lately our life is all about bubbles, baby dolls, Minnie Mouse, and watching princess movies. But not just any princess movies... Tangled and Frozen are the ones on repeat that she gets so excited about. It is darling. I don't really mind watching them over and over, mostly because I am getting other things accomplished while she plays quietly.

Her favorite color and song haven't changed in months. She's keeping these consistent. But fruits have changed! She was crazy about cuties, but lately purple grapes are her go-to. She will try to get away with picking all of the cucumbers out of our salad at dinner and eat nothing else if we let her. They're her absolute FAVORITE.

Her favorite toy has been a large stuffed Minnie Mouse that goes everywhere with us. I'm serious... EVERYWHERE. The park, grocery store, target, the bed.. everywhere. Also, bubbles. She has bottles that are good for inside play and another for outside. She is loving these. Thankfully it is a nice way to spend time outside of the house on the weekend. Her favorite book is still "Room on the Broom". It stays in the car to keep her happy while we are out and about.

She has been a talkative little gal lately. She has learned to say "no" but doesn't really say it in an annoying way (thank goodness!) She uses it to answer our questions, to tell us if she doesn't want to do something, and to make fun of me. That one is pretty funny. We have "no, you!" wars and go back and forth.

She also likes to say "baby", take care of baby dolls, and hug/kiss my belly. I'm so glad we only have 3 weeks left. I'm ready for my two babes to be together. She can say and properly use "please". It comes out more like "plee", we're still working on the "s" sound. And finally, "doing". She loves to say, "mom, doing?" to ask me what I am up to. If I ask her what she is doing she will look at me and say, "doing?" and point to herself. In which I have to reply, "Yes, what are you doing?" It is adorable and I just love it.

I can't wait to see how much she will grow from this point on... These next couple months are going to be so busy and hectic. I hope I can balance life and being her mommy well. I just try to remember to write these things down somewhere, anywhere. That is why I really love instagram. It is like a mini scrapbook and journal to capture these little things.

xoxo, Chelsea.

Life as mommy, and temporary daddy.

Today I was chatting with Dillon about my next blog post and he had suggested sharing my experience doing 100% of the parenting for the past couple of months that we've been living across the country from each other.

At first, I really didn't even want to talk about it. I don't know if I should refer to myself as a "single" parent, because I'm not single. I have a wonderful husband who is so supportive, emotionally and financially. I don't carry the same burdens or challenges that single mothers and fathers (who have no support from the other parent) have. I would never want to compare the two. 

I also didn't want to talk about it because I wouldn't want to offend my husband in any way. He is seriously such a great daddy and husband, and I don't want him to feel bad or to think that I don't need him. That's absolutely not true. I need him badly! Parenting is much more enjoyable with the support of another person.

But- I have been thinking about it all day...

I just want to say, as someone who grew up in a home that once had physical violence, then a father in prison, and raised by a struggling single mom... I know how hard it can be. I have always admired my mom for how amazing she is, how determined, and strong.. She never relied on anyone else to provide for my sisters and I, aside from the occasional help from my grandparents. I thank God every day that I was raised by such a beautiful and independent woman.

And here I am, currently living with her again, with a baby of my own. She is such a great grandma! She helps me so much, but not in the diaper changing way. She actually has probably only changed 3 diapers in the past few months. (Lucky her!) Her help actually comes in motivation, positive words, great advice, and the occasional "Chelsea, you need to calm down."..

I also have been getting help from my sisters, Marissa and Reyna. They've been the ones to watch Opal while I shower, do my makeup or eat. They are still trying to adjust to having a baby in the household, so its not always easy to ask them, honestly. 

Being Opal's only parent physically right now is tiring. I wish I could just hand her to my husband and take a long hot bath, paint my toes, and draw. Those days are nowhere near the present... So I will have to continue to look forward to them as I go crazy at 3 am when I just want her to sleep. 

I don't know if it is just because she has 5 teeth cutting through right now that it seems harder, but damn... I am exhausted. 

She's been SO fussy, constantly wants to be held... BY ME ONLY.. She will fight a nap all day, and wait until 2 am to fall asleep. And when she finally sleeps, it is in my bed. If I try to move her to the crib she will wake up.. and then it is a nightmare to put her to bed again.. which will eventually be in my bed. Did I mention I am sleeping in a twin size bed right now? Then, when I finally fall asleep around 3, I'll be woken up at 4:30 am for another nursing session. And then awoken again by 8 am the latest... At which point I have to get us up and ready for the day.

I just can't imagine my entire life doing this alone. I hope Dillon and I will be under the same roof as soon as possible! 

I want to tell every parent doing it alone, that I have so much respect for you and everything you do for your children. It is hard work being a stay at home mom, I can't imagine being the breadwinner and sole parent alone. Breaks are few and far between as it is, I seriously don't know how I would do it all.