Oh, man. So, it has taken me 4 weeks to decide that I really wanted to write out my birth story. Before Opal arrived I was documenting EVERYTHING, but after having such a horrible experience, I kind of just wanted to forget a lot of it.
I will be honest right now, because that is the kind of gal I am. If you are pregnant- you probably don't want to read my story. I don't want to scare anyone.. And that's why I've fought with wanting to write it all out. I don't want to give you some scary image of the birth process. The only reason I had a tough time, was honestly just a bunch of small "problems" adding up and causing everything to bombard and overwhelm me.
The hand of cards that I was dealt was not the best, and that does not at all for one second mean that you will have any of my experiences.
Keep that in mind!
Okay. Now on to my story...
As many of you know, I was in what is called prodromal labor for weeeeeks before Opal actually arrived! (Pre-labour, also called "prodromal labour,"consists of the early signs before labor starts. It is the body's preparation for real labour.) I went to L&D 4 times before I was finally admitted. All 4 times I was monitored, was having consistent contractions for HOURS, but nothing would progress down below. I was at 2 cm, 50% eff for 4 weeks.
On December 8th, I woke up and was pretty wet down there. I thought I peed myself while sleeping, (had been doing a lot of peeing myself those last couple of weeks).. So I didn't think anything about it. But, I noticed several times through out the day that I was "peeing myself" without noticing it.. So the next day, when I woke up to blood in my panties, I was nervous! This could be good or bad! I didn't know if this was my bloody show, or something serious like my water had been leaking and I didn't know! So as I'm googling this (like we all do, I google EVERYTHING- not always the best habit!) my OB called me! (Did I mention it was 6 am? And did I mention we were having snow storms?) well, they called me at 6 am to tell me my appointment was going to be rescheduled until the snow storms were over! They told me to go to L&D as soon as possible to verify my water wasn't leaking and that they would get back to me for an appointment.
So I took my time to get to L&D, because I was in no hurry to make that 40 minute drive IN A SNOW STORM.
When we got there, they hooked me up to the monitors, and did one of those paper tests to check my waters. It came back negative, but I was told the blood could cause a false negative, and I was still having a heavy "bloody show". They then did an ultrasound to confirm everything and the tech said my fluid levels were still good and what not.
Cool.
So we head home.
And the prodromal labor continues. Strong contractions every 5-7 minutes. All day and night. They would last for 3-4 hours and then stop for a couple and then come back. It SUCKED.
On the night of December 11th i went to the hospital with steady contractions, was monitored, and turned away at 1:30 am because i was still 2 cm.
I went home and magically everything seemed to get worse. I didn't sleep at all. I could not lay down, I couldn't sit, I couldn't even take a bath without being in pain.
Dillon HAD to go to work that morning on the 12th. I stayed in my bedroom (I couldn't even walk down the stairs to let our dogs outside or feed them).. I put on Netflix to Hart of Dixie, and I cried.
I cried.
I screamed.
I threw myself around my bed.
I hugged the doorway to our bathroom while I rocked my hips & I focused on my breathing.
I counted in my head to make it go by faster.
Each contraction was growing more painful, and before I knew it, they were 3 minutes apart for 6+ HOURS.
I couldn't get ahold of Dillon. I cried on the phone to my mom. I was sooooo tired of going into the hospital and being turned away. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the car ride again. She finally convinced me to call L&D.
As soon as my Doctor got on the phone and I told her I couldn't get ahold of my husband and had no friends to take me to the hospital she wanted to call an ambulance to get me ASAP. Luckily, Dillon called in while I was talking to her.
This was at 3 pm.
I remember my phone kept going off. Everyone was texting and tweeting me asking if I was okay, and I couldn't even reply. I was getting contraction after contraction and I just couldn't handle anything. My legs were in so much pain from standing all night and pretty much all day.
When we got to the hospital around 4:30 they knew at admissions I was on my way and got me straight to a wheel chair and finished paperwork afterwards. My Doctor admitted me and said I was 5 cm dilated. They got me an IV with pain meds as soon as they could, I had planned to go as long as possible without medications, but by the time I got there I had been in labor for over a day. I just wanted to be able to relax a bit and enjoy the delivery. As soon as I got the IV, I was on cloud 9. I felt amaaaazing. My husband left to take care of the dogs while I got the epidural, and I spent a couple of hours watching "Pawn Stars" waiting for baby.
After my water broke, I was told I was 8 cm. I was progressing great, and everything was still going as planned. And then things kind of halted. It took longer than expected to get to 9.5 cm, but I got there without needing pitocin. So, when I finally was at 9.5, we thought baby would be coming soon! At this point, the only problem was that Opal was still posterior, (aka sunny side up). Although it would take longer to push her out, it was still possible to have a natural birth!
But then the hours passed on..
My doctor came in and asked me to be brave and to do some pushing. She told me we wouldn't do a lot, but that she was going to try to turn Opal a bit and stretch that last .5 cm. I was scared and not ready, but I agreed.
I pushed for 45 minutes the first attempt.. With every contraction I pushed and pushed and I could feel her hands down there, and the pressure from Opal's head, and I could feel her trying to stretch that skin.
I was so scared when she came back in and asked if we could try it again after that session. At this point, the pressure was crazy. I thought I was going to poop myself. And it was even worse with the headache I was getting from no sleep, dry contacts, and crying so much. To top it off, my epidural was beginning to wear off in my back and vaginal area. I could NOT feel my legs, but I could start to feel my torso and hips.
By the third "pushing session" the nurse was persuading me to push with a can of knock off coke! They ran out and grabbed some nurse's can of soda from the fridge, threw a straw in it, and in between pushes let me sip coke! Nothing was changing and I was in so much pain.
After hours of this, I asked what was going to happen next. I could tell in their eyes that it wasn't anything I wanted to hear. opal's heartbeat was starting to drop anytime I tried to push. That wasn't good. That scared me so much. So we had to have the conversation I didn't want to have, and talk about C sections.
I wasn't against a medically necessary C Section, and I was somewhat familiar with it all. My mom has had 4. I knew I would survive and it wasn't the end of the world.
I cried as I signed all of the paperwork, and cried as I signed what felt like my dream of a vaginal birth away. I was crushed. But I was in a position that I would rather have my baby in my arms safe and sound, than have something happen to her because I had too much pride. I could have pushed for more hours.. But sadly, nothing would have changed. And her health was my first priority.
As they prepped me for surgery, I tried to stay positive. I have to say a huge Thankyou to my husband for keeping me from drowning in sorrow. I remember looking at him and I just kept telling him I was sorry and crying. I couldn't stop apologizing, and he asked me why. I just felt like suuuch a failure. For months I promised him this magical moment and he was going to see it all, and now I was getting prepped for surgery and it wasn't going to be what we planned at all. He was so calm and just reassured me that he wasn't dissappointed in me, and that he was so proud of me for everything I was doing. He was literally watching me push the entire time, and from an angle in didn't want! He was holding my left leg for the doctor the ennnntire time and was a magnificent coach. He was my rock.
Most women say they wanted to rip their husband's head off, but honestly, looking at his face and hearing his voice helped me ignore my pain. I made him talk about Opal and all the things she would grow up to do and who she would look like, and I was able to focus on my breathing hearing all of it. He was perfect, and I fell more in love with him through out that experience.
When they came in and told me they were ready for me, I started to panic on the inside. I was trying to pretend I was confident, but I was terrified. The lights were so bright and everything was white and there was so much going on around me in the operating room. The pain medications caused me to shake extremely bad. So, so bad. It scared me. I remember laying there and crying to myself while listening to the surgeons casually talk about how they loved my tattoos. I was just so lost in my thoughts.
Next thing I knew I was feeling the pressure of them take Opal out of my tummy and the worst thing imaginable happened.
She didn't cry.
I remember looking frantically at Dillon and whispering, "why isn't she crying?"
It felt like an eternity but finally they got her to cry and everyone cheered. From behind the curtains I could hear them all telling me how beautiful she was.
Opal Faye was born at 8 am, on the dot, on Friday the 13th of December, 2013. She weighed 8 lbs, 2 oz. & was 20 inches long.
They asked me if I wanted to hold her, but I was shaking so hard, that I couldn't. I told them to take her to get everything done and sent Dillon with her. I was so sad that we didn't get to do any of the normal things, like cutting the umbilical cord, and skin to skin immediately.
Laying on the operating table, I remember crying to myself and a nurse asking if I was in pain. I told her no as I felt the pressures going on, on the other side of the curtain. I remember just crying because I knew my mom wasn't there. I knew she wasn't going to be there when I got to my room and that saddened me. My nurse overheard this, and when I got back to my room, she told me she already had the Skype Computer on its way to my room and to tell my mom to get to her computer ASAP. I was soooo glad to hear this.
In all honesty, I wasn't ready to be a mom, until my mom was able to tell me I could do it. I needed my mom. I'm so glad that I waited to meet my daughter because my mom got to watch us meet. And that made it almost feel normal. I got to do skin to skin and share that intimate moment with the most important woman in my life. It was amazing to share that, and I forever am thankful for my nurse. She was extremely thoughtful.
Once I got to my recovery room is when everything got hard.
The doctor came in, sat down and told me we had to talk.
Apparently, between attempting the vaginal birth, and then having a c section I lost a lot of blood. My tests were coming back with bad levels and I was at risk of needing a blood transfusion. Also, she told me to prepare to deal with the swelling from BOTH types of births. I didn't know what she meant by this until day 3 in the hospital. When I finally got to get the catheter out, and try using the rest room on my own, they also showed me how to care for myself down there.
I was not prepared for this at all.
I was in SO much pain from the C section that I didn't even notice how swollen my lady area was. They told me I had more than the normal amount of swelling from the doctor's attempt at stretching everything. I panicked. I had a panick attack and told the nurse she had to do it for me. I could NOT touch myself. I was mortified and I hated it so much.
To top it off, I began getting horrible fevers over 102, and they didn't know why. I also was having breathing problems and severe chest pain. They ended up figuring out I had an infection in my uterus. This caused me to stay 2 days longer in the hospital.
The hospital stay was the best/worst thing I could've imagined.
Just know, to always follow your instincts! I developed that infection because I was leaking fluids days before my labor progressed. You should deliver baby within 24 hours of fluids rupturing, even a pinhole. Most women go into active labor immediately after any kind of fluid rupture. I, am not most women. Like I said before, my body dragged labor out for days, and had false alarms for weeks! This is not the norm.
If you feel like something is different or not ordinary, call your doctor! Go in and get checked! Who cares if by the time baby comes you are friends and on a first name basis with Felicia at the admitting desk! (True story- she even came to see the baby!) go get everything checked, because not everyone is going to have those huge "OH NO MY WATER BROKE!" Moments! And not everyone's pregnancy follows their birth plan.
If I can give one piece of advice to any women out there who are pregnant, plan to be someday, or know someone who is:
Research everything.
Everythinggggg.
Don't just research your dream method of crunchy mommy birth styles.
That isn't always promised and it is better to be aware of all the possibilities that can arise. And don't just research the methods that occur for that scenario.. Research what happens AFTERWARDS too! Many women (like myself) often say, "I wish I knew about the recovery!" So please, for your own sanity, research research research!
I had a rough pregnancy, and an even rougher birthing experience. I am learning to not be dissappointed, and to not get caught up in all of the things that went wrong. I didn't want to share my experience because it feels so negative.
But- in the end, my precious baby was brought into the world, AND I DID THAT. I made her! All by myself! And I sacrificed a lot for her, and I will continue to do so until the day I die. My Opal is so perfect and I am so thankful for her. I would relive those days over and over for her.
But don't get me wrong- I pray that it is true that no two pregnancies are alike! I hope my next pregnancy is smooth and that I don't have to suffer a ton!
